


We are All Afraid of Something

by capirony



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - GTA, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 05:40:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2536217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capirony/pseuds/capirony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>In hindsight, he probably should have told them in the beginning.</i><br/>Ray is a sniping pro and he's just been hired into the Fake AH Crew by some strange stroke of luck, but unfortunately for him he has a secret that he has desperately been trying to hide: this sniper's afraid of heights.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We are All Afraid of Something

In hindsight, he probably should have told them in the beginning.

His breathing quickened as he held the gun tighter in his hands. He had to focus, he had to forget. He swallowed thickly and took out another enemy easily with shaky fingers. He was used to these conditions, but it didn’t mean he liked it. Not at all. 

"Sweet shot, Ray," Ryan's voice in his ear told him. The guy Ray had shot had been coming up from behind, definitely in Ryan's blind spot and Ray didn't even need to think before he shot him dead. Easy peasy, no strings attached. Little did his partner know that Ray was close, _way_ too close, to shooting his head off instead.

 _Focus, Ray_ he cursed to himself. Geoff and Gavin were inside the building while he and Ryan held down the fort from the outside. Jack and Michael were en route with their escape copter, the voices in his ear told him, but Ray was pretty sure he wouldn't be boarding, not this time.

Things had been going pretty good for his so far; he was the newest member in the gang and had only been on a couple of projects with them as their sniper so far. It was what he was hired for, so he was glad they were giving him the opportunities. Strange thing was, that they had all trusted him so easily and quickly that it had genuinely surprised the man. He was flabbergasted that these people were so willing to have an outsider like him shooting around them from a place they themselves probably couldn't reach. Ray knew he wouldn't be so into that if he was a guy on the ground and he had to trust a new sniper.

The fact that had wracked Ray’s brain for a long time seemed to leave his thoughts permanently after their first heist. As soon as he saw how reckless and insane the Fake AH Crew was, he was sure they were in so much danger down below that they would never even expect to get a hit from someone on their own side. After that first heist he suddenly stopped caring about what they thought about him and let himself relax, fooling around during missions with the same fervor as they did. And he actually enjoyed it; it was very unlike any of his old jobs. Everything before was so serious and planned out to down to the second. He couldn’t blink on his own without breaking a contract or a partnership. He couldn't recall the last time he had smiled at all, but with these assholes he was smiling more and more every day. He was actually enjoying the thrill of wrecking the city with these goofballs.

Ray hadn't realized he'd zoned out until there was two, three people yelling his name loudly in his ear all at the same time. His fingers and his knees were shaking so bad he was pretty sure he might have just had an attack. Not knowing what he might have said or done in the past few minutes, he breathed out a heavy, shaky breath and laughed, "Had you all worried there, didn't I?"

"The chopper's here, idiot," Geoff hissed in his ear. This was the first time Ray had to actually hide and snipe in a heist and he wasn't taking it so well. He’d known they'd find out about his little secret one way or another but this was all too soon for him; he needed more time to come up with a good excuse for his behaviour.

"I'll catch my own ride, see you guys at the safe house," Ray replied, not giving a fuck and immediately pulling the earpiece out and pocketing it. He could hear Michael yelling on the other end and covered his pocket with his hand to muffle the sound. 

He stood up then and he was at least ninety-eight percent sure that that was the worst idea he had ever had. The ground was _so_ very far away; the cars looked like toys and the police scrambling around on the street looked like ants to which he thought about trying to fry them with a magnifying glass. The thought was comforting and normal until he realized that those were _actual_ people who were most likely taller than he was but they looked so small to him and he suddenly wanted to vomit.

He sat himself back down.

Clutching his rifle to his chest he began to try to slow his breathing out. In, out, in, out. He had to remain calm if he were to ever get out of here alive. He had to stop worrying about the height and start becoming more focused and in control and he _definitely_ can’t let anyone know that he was a skilled assassin who was deathly afraid of heights. 

"Ray?" The man in question’s eyes shot open and his breathing suddenly became erratic. Shit, _now_ he was making a scene. He held his gun closer to himself, knees pulled in tight and back flush against the cold abandoned wall. He was too high and it was too far down to jump and if he stood too close to the broken window he could wobble and fall out and he--

"Ray," A big hand clamped around his shoulder and Ray screamed. Immediately, the hand left his shoulder, but the intimidating presence remained, "Ray, It's okay, I've got you, come on, It’s okay."

Ray tucked his head into his arms, the barrel of his gun was warm. How long had he been sitting out here? He had no idea, but he no longer heard sirens and it made him slightly worried.

"He's not responding," the voice said and Ray was sure at this point he was going to puke.

"Nah, I've got it. Get everyone to the safe zone, okay?"

There was more shuffling and Ray flinched away from it immediately, "Hey, Ray, can you hear me?"

Ray refused to answer the voice. Something clacked against the ground and Ray felt himself make the most pitiful noise ever, "Ray it's okay, nothing's gonna hurt you now everything's over." That sure didn't help him because it wasn't over and it would _never_ be over. He was trapped on this high ass building and he couldn't get down to save his life. He would never get down. The only possible way down to Ray was out the window and to his death.

The voice kept talking to him regardless, "Michael and Jack came in with a huge blast I don't know if you saw," the voice laughed and Ray actually felt the panic slip away, "It was huge. Geoff laughed so hard he almost got shot." 

The voice continued talking and bit by bit, Ryan helped calm Ray down with nothing but words. He told him about how the chopper exploded so they all clambered into a police car Ryan had gotten a hold of and sped down to the airport and got away in a jet. "Sounds awesome," Ray felt himself say in response and Ryan made a surprised noise somewhere in front of him. 

Ray looked up, finally feeling the panic drain out of him enough that he could speak. He kept his focus on Ryan, "Then what happened?"

Ryan looked surprised, the mask was gone and his hair was a mess. There was black make up smudged all over his face and his jacket was splattered with blood. He was a hot mess, Ray thought. It only took a beat before Ryan continued, "We got going and lost the cops easy, but when we couldn't get a hold of you, Jack swung us around and I parachuted out to see if you were still here. The GPS on your earpiece showed you were still in the building, but we didn't know if you were actually here or not. I came alone to check."

He was sitting cross legged in front of Ray, posture relaxed as he leaned towards the vulnerable boy, "And I found you and I thought you were dead."

Ray tightened his grip on his gun, averting Ryan's intense, cold stare, "I'm sorry."

"Nah, nothing to be sorry about. You're good now and that's all that matters," Ray said nothing, "You.. are good now, right?"

Ray shrugged, "The attack has passed if that's what you're asking."

"So... panic attack? Is that what it's called?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "Happens when I..." Ray's voice trailed off, "Can they hear us?"

"The other guys?" Ryan asked, slightly confused, "No, why?"

"I don't want them to know," Ray gave Ryan a slightly hurt look, "I didn't want _any_ of you to know."

"Know what, that you're a sniper with a slight fear of heights?"

Ray gave Ryan the most shocked look he could muster in his current state, "Slight fear would be an understatement."

Ryan laughed, the sound reverberating in Ray's own chest and melting away any remaining worries, "Eh, we're all afraid of something, right?"

With a scoff Ray asks, "Even you?"

And with a smirk Ryan replies, "Even me."

\-------------

Ryan doesn’t tell anyone when they get to the safe house, at least he doesn’t when Ray is around. Ray doubts he’ll tell anyone though, whether it be out of pity or trust Ray will probably never know. It didn’t matter to him, they all already know something’s fucked up with Ray and from the moment he walks in the door trailing behind Ryan like a lost puppy, Gavin is on his ass about it.

It’s one question after another and Ray skillfully ignores it all. He’s playing it cool, acting like he was just fooling around and messing with them instead of having a panic attack and thinking about being pushed out of a very tall building.

He stops himself with that thought and excuses himself from further questions. He nearly runs to the bathroom and locks himself inside, sitting with his back against the door, listening to his crew talk in the large house beyond.

“Nothing happened. Really.”

“Come _on_ Ryan, you’re the only one who was there with him,” Gavin was whining, “You’re the only one who knows what happened!”

“Nothing happened, we just talked a bit and then came back.”

“You were gone for a long time though,” That was Michael, though he didn’t seem to be backing up Gavin’s intense need for information and was merely stating a fact. He probably was a little curious too, though. Ray didn’t blame them.

“Like, an hour, but that’s nothing.”

“Guys just drop it,” Ray silently vowed to thank Jack in some form for that. Someday.

“But aren’t you guys curious?! I sense there was something happening and I want to get to the bottom of it!”

“What do _you_ think happened, Gavin?” Geoff asked, irritation lacing his words, “Do tell.”

Ray didn’t want to hear it. He scrambled up off the floor and turned on the shower, ready to wipe the feeling of pity and hate off of him for the night.

He’s not in the bathroom for long, but when he emerges clean and dry and wearing spare clothes that were way too big for him everyone is gone. Well, not gone, not really, Ray can hear some of them off in the house but for the most part it’s empty. It’s weird to see it so empty, but Ray figures everyone’s tired and ready to sleep off the feeling on a heist well done. That’s what he wants to do, anyway.

He walks into the kitchen, pulling out a can of soda from the fridge before moving himself to the living room. Sitting down in front of the large TV he thinks about starting up a game on their old spare Xbox but then thinks against it. His stomach still aches and he’s pretty sure he’s getting a headache, so he doesn’t really want to open that can of worms any further.

Three sips into his soda and the couch dips beside him. It doesn’t startle him but it does make him turn to see who the intruder is. 

“Sup?” He asks, bringing the soda up to his lips again to take another swig. It’s Ryan and he’s looking absolutely fresh. There’s still water dripping from his hair and his chin, droplets sticking to his neatly trimmed beard. He isn’t looking at Ray, but his posture is very casual and inviting and Ray decides to drop the walls he had put up when he first felt the pressure in the room change.

“How you feeling?” Ryan asks, eyes flicking towards the younger man. Ray suppresses a shudder and shrugs in response, “I didn’t tell them.”

“I didn’t think you did.”

“They were so adamant about it,” he laughs, “I almost told Geoff though.” 

Ray chokes on his current swig and sputters pop into his hand, “No, you definitely cannot tell Geoff.”

“Why not? He’s your boss.”

“Yeah and I could lose this if he knows how much of a fuck up I am.”

Ryan stares at him for a moment, “I think you’re blowing this _way_ out of proportion.”

“No, I think I’m being perfectly reasonable,” Ray breaks eye contact, glaring down at the floor between him and the TV. He wished he had turned on the Xbox after all, so he could at least then he could have a good distraction right now, “Nobody can know.”

Ryan sighed loudly beside him, throwing his head back onto the back of the couch, eyes closed as he faced the ceiling, “Fine, whatever. Have him find out like I did.”

Ray felt very uncomfortable then and he wanted to go home. Fuck the safe house, fuck the Fake AH Crew and fuck his fear of heights. Instead, he took a sip of his soda and ignored Ryan until he left in defeat. 

\-------------

Since the first time, it has only happened twice more. They’ve done countless heists, robberies, assassinations, you name it, and many of them have included Ray climbing up someplace very high to take down targets expertly and discreetly and he has behaved all those times. He generally tries to ignore the fact that he could be pushed out his hidey-hole at any time and he avoids looking anywhere outside of his scope unless he’s reloading. That helps a lot.

He feels like he has it down to an art by the time it happens the second time and ruins the guise he had of beating the fear. It’s much like the first except that this time, he feels himself call out to Ryan in the most pathetic voice he’s ever heard come from his own mouth and Ryan responds almost immediately, throwing bombs to distract anyone who could see him as he races to Ray’s side. Luckily for them, Ryan helps Ray out of it before he’s too far gone and then the both of them are sniping from his hiding spot and they finish the job without anyone knowing the difference.

After the second time Ray knows he has to tell Geoff. 

But of course he doesn’t. Because that would mean showing weakness and he is not about that life at all. He’s strong, indifferent, cool and collected one hundred percent of the time and his crew knows that. They expect that attitude from him and for them know that he actually had a crippling fear would only let them down. Ray wouldn’t stand for that.

The third time happens only weeks after the second and it’s brutal.

The feeling hits him hard and the sudden wave of nausea is even harder. He vomits before he can pull out the earpiece and he hears Gavin gagging in response. Michael is yelling at him (with concern), Jack is worriedly asking if he actually puked, Geoff is asking if he’s sick and Ryan is eerily quiet. 

“What is going on?” Geoff yells. Ray can hear Michael laugh in the distance, but louder in his ear as something explodes and they momentarily forget that Ray had just hurled. He hadn’t even eaten anything yet today so it was all just stomach acid and disappointment. He wavers in place, collapsing to his knees as the nausea affects more than the panic he feels slowly creeping into his bones. The putrid smell of vomit hits hit nostrils and he vomits again, groaning at the sound of worried voices growing more and more angry in his ear.

“Ray? Come in Ray? What’s going on?”

“Just a minor setback,” Ray tries to sputter out but all that comes out of his mouth is a gasp for air. The gunshots coming from the adjacent building are incredibly loud and his bunker down spot is suffocating. He wants to leap out of the building and he wants to soar and he want to vomit just thinking about the people down below and how incredibly _small_ they look. He was so fucking afraid and he knows it.

“Are you sick?” Gavin asks and its annoying just listening to him, “Or is it that you’re _scared_?”

That hits a nerve with Ray and he freezes, crouched over his vomit, eyes wide and glossed over. He’s pretty sure he’s crying, but he’ll never admit to that out loud. 

“Oh, hey look what I have,” Jack’s voice rings out and Michael’s accompanies him, saying something about getting the item they were set out to get. Gavin squeals in delight in the background.

Ray is shaking at this point, eyes glued to nothing, wide and afraid. Where was Ryan? Where was he when he needed him? Was he going to push him out the window? Was he going to force him to look, make him see the thing he was so scared of? 

“Lets get out of here! Ray, are you okay?”

“I’ve got Ray,” Ryan’s voice is louder than the rest and it takes Ray a moment to register the feeling of arms pulling on him. He wants to fight it, so he does. “He’s not okay,” Ryan grunts. Ray thinks he can hear himself but he doesn’t know what he’s saying, “I’ll take care of him.”

“I’m counting on you, Ryan. Everyone go to your locations. We gotta lose these cops.”

With that, Ray feels his world tip upside down and he almost wants to vomit again due to the shock of silence as Ryan pulls out his earpiece. Ray grabs onto handfuls of bloody, burnt jacket and buries his head into the mans chest, curling in on himself in shame and in fear. “Don’t throw me out the window,” Ray whispers and it sounds so broken and gross that he instantly hates himself for it.

“I would never hurt you, Ray,” Ryan whispers. He’s holding him close, cradling him to his chest. Ray feels like he’s being protected but it doesn’t put him at ease. He whimpers the softest of sounds which seems to prompt Ryan to leave. 

He doesn’t realize he’s passed out until he’s opening his eyes again and he’s in a car. Ryan is talking beside him, “He has to tell you himself, Geoff,” he sounds worried and tired. The car isn’t jerking around and it doesn’t feel like they’re going really fast so Ray assumes the worst is over, “Don’t let him sneak away this time, either. This is only going to get worse the more he avoids it.”

Ray groans internally. Over the few months he’s been with the Fake AH Crew he’s bonded with them all a lot. He stopped hating everything Gavin says and Michael turned out being like a best friend to him. Geoff still scares him a little but they’re always cool and Jack is lovable, if not a little pissy sometimes. Ryan was a whole different story, it was because Ryan was the only one who knew of Ray’s little fault that they bonded in a completely different way. They would stay up for hours talking to each other, either with each other physically, or by text or phone. They were always in contact. Sometimes they wouldn’t even say anything to each other and playing video games silently side by side was something they did often. They became attached at the hip and in turn, they became very dangerous in battle.

They had formed a partnership _so_ easily that whenever they had to be paired off, Ray and Ryan got together right away, almost naturally. Ryan worked well with everyone, as did Ray to some degree, but together they were unstoppable. 

It was that level of trust and friendship that had gotten Ray into this fucking mess. Regretfully, he had thought about it a lot, wondering how his life would have progressed with the crew if Ryan had never figured it out. He thinks it’d be much the same, but he doubts he’d be as comfortable with Ryan as he is now. Ryan would probably intimidate the shit out of him if he hadn't seen him so vulnerable so early on. 

They hit a bump and Ray groaned unhappily, “Where’re we goin’?” he asked groggily, sitting up in his seat just barely. His head hurt and his face was warm; he had been crying.

“We’ll be at base soon,” Ryan said as he pocketed his phone. He looked over to Ray briefly, the concern visible. He wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. “I was really worried about you. I thought you got shot or something.”

“You know I have problems,” Ray dismissed wish a shaky wave of his hand.

“I didn’t know shit!” Ryan exclaimed loudly and it honestly scared Ray a little. He met Ryan’s fiery gaze with his own afraid one and Ryan turned to face the road irritably, “I thought you were dying.”

Ryan’s voiced cracked and Ray couldn’t mistake the way his hands tightened around the steering wheel. He sat up straighter in his seat as Ryan continued, “I thought you were dying you sounded like you were dying and you weren’t saying anything and you weren’t responding. I--,” his voice cracked again and it broke Ray’s heart, “I thought you were _dead_ ”

“I’m not dead,” Ray whispers and it should be a laughing matter, it should be obvious, but he says it like Ryan does when he says “I’ve got you.” He says it like reassurance. Ray doesn’t mistake the look on Ryan’s face and he feels something warm burst in his chest, “I’m not dead.”

Ryan shudders visibly, eyes hardened and focused on the road, “I know.”

They drive in silence for a few minutes, Ray unsure of what to do. But then they’re in front of the safe house and they both know they have to hustle in quickly just in case they were being followed. Protocol and all that shit that the Fake AH Crew never followed (It caused a lot of problems, in retrospect). 

However, when Ryan parked the car, he didn’t make to leave. He sat quietly as the interior light timed out and flicked off, leaving them in total darkness. It unnerved Ray only slightly.

“I can’t think of much that scares me,” Ryan says in the darkness. Ray can see his mouth move, can see the cold, faraway look glinting in his eyes, “But I know it’s okay to be afraid. It’s not weak. It’s human.” Softly, Ray places a hand on Ryan’s. His hand was big and cold under his own, and it was shaking from the force of being closed into a fist so tightly. Ray rubbed a tiny, intimate circle on his hand with his thumb, the small act making the other man calm down surprisingly easily. 

“But,” Ryan whispered, making no indication that he even knew Ray was touching him, “I know for sure the one thing that’ll make me go insane.”

His hand twisted slowly under Ray’s until they were holding hands. It wasn’t anything big, but it felt so intimate to Ray. This was a swap of their usual position, too; generally it was Ray pouring out his feelings onto Ryan and Ryan was the one who offered comfort if needed (which Ray never accepted). It was strange for Ray to be on this side, but he felt like it was needed at the moment. His head ached dully, but the events from earlier now became his side quest and Ryan was his main. 

Ryan held his hand silently for a few minutes and just as Ray was about to suggest they go inside he spoke, “I’m afraid of the people I love dying, Ray,” he laughed and it was painful for Ray to hear coming from him, “I thought you were dead... and I would have killed everyone involved in your death. I would have gone crazy. I can’t lose the people I love.”

“I’m not dead, Ryan. I won’t let myself die so easily.” It felt like a lie, but it also felt like something Ray knew he could do.

Ryan nodded in the darkness but remained silent, hand tightly holding onto Ray’s smaller one. 

“We’re all afraid of something. Even you,” Ray said, he cursed himself for sounding so dazed.

“Even me,” and then a soft, “Even you.” After a moment, he suddenly jumped up in his seat, facing Ray and making Ray jump in return, which in effect made the poor snipers head swim. The look on Ryan’s face however, betrayed his earlier emotion. Eyes bright and lips tugged into a devious smirk he said, “Let’s go inside now. You tell Geoff your thing and I’ll tell him mine. We’ll have like a little Alcohol Anonymous meeting. We’ll force everyone to come clean and tell their biggest fears so everyone knows about everyone, how’s that sound?”

“That sounds stupid. I dig it.”

Ryan laughed and Ray squeezed his hand in support. They sat for a moment longer before Ryan said, “Best not keep them waiting then, hm?”

“Yeah,” Ray replied, letting go of Ryan’s hand and following him inside for the worst conversation he’s yet to have. _At least I have Ryan,_ Ray thinks to himself, wondering where the conversation will take them and if Geoff will understand. 

Ryan puts his hand on the door handle and Ray can hear him take a deep breath. He mimics the gesture muttering, “No time like the present.” and in they go.

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching the lps where they extend Geoffs house and Ray said something about not liking heights so I thought of this. A sniper who is afraid of heights. Been sitting on that idea for a few days now and finally got around to writing it. Enjoy~


End file.
